Your Stories

The links to stories involving children are listed on this page. The stories involving workplace situations are to be found under Success Stories, on the Business Leadership side of our site.

Soccer Team I used the "4 keys to saying no" with a player on my soccer team who was behaving poorly on the field. Before the season began I challenged the team to keep all comments at the game positive. However, following a series of calls, one of our players became very angry at the referee, and began arguing excessively and insulting him. I asked him to focus on the game, but the tirade continued. I responded by taking him out of the game at the first opportunity. At halftime I explained to him that my action was not personal, but that I couldn't accept that kind of behavior on the field because it is unfair to the referee and brings a lot of negative energy to the team. He immediately apologized and agreed that he had lost his temper and was out of line, although he still disagreed with the referee's calls. I told him I was also frustrated with the calls, but that we had to rise above that as a team and focus all our energy on the game. To bring him back to the positive side of the energy circle I started him in the second half. His behavior and play were great the rest of the game. *** 4 Keys to Saying No *** Live on the forward side of the energy circle, modeling at all times what is appropriate. This simple step will cut down enormously the amount of times you will have to say no. You will have engendered such trust and open communication that when you do have to say no, the kids will not be tuning you out, muttering "Oh boy, there she goes again!" Listen deeply to the child's real needs. Many times, a tantrum is thrown because the child really needs a rest or your attention rather than the ice cream cone he is demanding. A lot of arguments start over something trivial when the child really needs to resolve a much deeper issue or doesn't feel listened to. If the answer still is no, explain your reasons why. This is an incredible opportunity to use the Message tool to explain why such a behavior is unacceptable in your family or for this child. Then, of course, bring on the Listen and Teach tools and work through how else the child could handle this issue, and what you can do to help. Redirect the child back on the path of appropriate behavior through the continued use of the 5 Tools. The Focus tool is exceptionally powerful here and you refocus your and the child's attention to a positive view of the situation.
			"We are all on the journey to mastery. There are times when we're apparently stuck on a plateau; sometimes we're flying high. I want my children to know that life is a journey and there are all kinds of times along the way." -- Steven Vannoy, from The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children.

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